June 2, 2015
Girls have a pretty bad rep for playing games and adhering to silly rules when it comes to the opposite sex. Things like how long you should wait before you reply to a message, how long you should wait before you answer the phone, how long you should wait before you sleep with a guy, etc. Girls essentially spend the early stages of a relationship waiting, which is stupid really because YOLO, bitches.
Men are supposed to be different. Men are supposed to be honest and straight forward. Well, men are just as bad as we chicks for this stuff.
Whether it’s born of kindness, impatience or just straight-up dickishness, the things men say do not always match up with the way they feel.
I know you wouldn’t be reading this if you didn’t think I knew at least a little what I was talking about, but I have consulted some of my best boy friends to compile this list, so much of it is straight from the horse’s mouth.
I’d say you were welcome, but don’t thank me yet. You might not like what you read…
He says: I’m scared of commitment – I don’t want a relationship
He means: I don’t want a relationship with you specifically
Let’s get this horrible one out of the way first, OK? If a guy tells you that he doesn’t want a relationship, he just doesn’t want one with you specifically. Sorry. Look at it this way, if Kelly Brook/Katy Perry/Megan Fox begged him to be her boyfriend, you can bet the guy would say yes. Because why wouldn’t he for such a catch? If he is straight up ruling out being in a relationship with you, he doesn’t think you’re a catch. Simple.
He says: I like what we have
He means: I’m open to more… but not yet
This guy is into you, but he doesn’t want more. But he isn’t ruling out wanting more at some point in the future. Maybe. He’s not signing anything… Basically, this guy is seeing how it goes.
He says: I do like you
He means: This isn’t just sex
If your guy utters the word ‘like’ then he likes you, that’s pretty straightforward. He doesn’t only want you for sex, he wants you for all the shit that comes with it.
He says: We can go wherever you’d like to eat
He means: I’m hungry and you’re fussy – hurry up
This guy knows that you’re a pain in the butt when it comes to picking a restaurant, but he’s so hungry he doesn’t care where you guys eat, so long as it’s ASAP. So just hurry up and pick something.
He says: Do you fancy some dessert?
He means: I want dessert and I’m getting dessert
This is a subtle hint and also, it’s dessert, so just say yes. Say yes so he feels like he can order dessert, and say yes so you get dessert. Everyone wins here.
He says: I fancy an early night
He means: I’m tired but fancy a quickie
He’s tired, he wants to go to bed, he wants to get it on but he can’t be bothered with all the frills. Kiss kiss bang bang.
He says: Netflix and chill
He means: Sex
He’s invited you over to watch movies? Yeah, he wants to bang you.
He says: You look fine
He means: Hurry up
If you ask a guy if you look OK, he’s going to assume you’re asking if you look fat… and that is one dangerous question to answer. So he won’t. He’ll always tell you that you look OK, not only to be tactful, but also so that you hurry the fuck up.
He says: You look sexy
He means: You look slutty
OK, don’t shoot the messenger, but the men folk are telling me that if a guy tells you that you look sexy, then you look slutty. I’m assured it’s not a bad thing, but I just thought you should know.
He says: Maybe we can go for a drink or something
He means: I do want to take you out, but I’m protecting myself
Men worry about getting hurt too. So if they’re worried about being rejected, they’ll play it cool, just in case you decide you like some other guy better.
He says: We should try [sex act] haha!
He means: I absolutely want to do this, but I don’t want to freak out or offend you
If a guy jokes about a sex thing, he definitely wants to do it… but he doesn’t want to freak you out, offend you or disgust you. He’s testing the water…
He says: [As you’re telling a story] Yeah, yeah, yeah
He means: This is boring and I’m not absorbing a word of it
Women be like yap yap yap. Sometimes you have to struggle to keep a guy’s attention, and if you’re telling a story that bores him, God love him, he will pretend to be listening… but he won’t be.
He says: Nothing is wrong
He means: Something is wrong
You think women are they only creatures who say everything is fine when it isn’t? Well apparently not, apparently men are guilty of the same thing: saying shit is fine when it is not fine. So if something seems up, something is probably up.
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