October 23, 2014
If, like me, you grew up watching Disney flicks then you probably think you know how to spot a Prince Charming when you see one. Sometimes it’s as simple as the handsome guy is the goodie and the ugly guy is the baddie (think Aladdin & Jafar), other times Disney flip the rules and it is inner beauty you have to look for (think Beast and Gaston) – the point is that we all know how to tell the nice guys from the douchebags, right? Wrong.
There are all sorts of toxic characters out there, and while they may seem great on the surface, Prince Charming they ain’t.
Look, I’m not that girl, the one who says that all men are the same. In fact, what I’m saying is quite the opposite. Dating is hard enough, so save yourself some time and narrow your list of potential candidates down a little by disqualifying any guys who fall into any of the following categories… You’ll thank us in the long run.
The Pushy Guy
The worst thing I found about being single was the guys who thought they had a right to a shot at a date. Whether it was a polite excuse to spare feelings or a firm “no”, some men seem to have retained that childish pester power from their childhood, the one that got them toys. The thing is, guys can’t nag you into going out with them, and they certainly don’t have the right to confront you for saying no. A pushy guy will persist, thinking they can change your mind. There’s a fine line between attentively romantic and unwanted stalker attention. Here’s the thing though, if you have to be pushed to do it, you probably didn’t want to in the first place. If you’re easily pliable and a guy is pushy then he’s calling the shots and you’re going along with it.
The pervy guy
Come on now, you don’t need me to tell you that any guy who texts you at 2am asking to see your boobs is a no good pervert, do you? You do? OK. If you are sexting with a guy who is not your boyfriend, then you’re one step away from being a booty call. You’re like a remote booty call. The best you can hope for is an upgrade to “fuck buddy” and no one gets serious with their F buddy. Yes, you may be the first person he thinks of, but only when he’s drunk with his trousers around his ankles and his phone in his non-dominant hand.
The pally guy
I refuse to acknowledge that the “friend zone” is a thing. It isn’t a thing, it’s a fictional state that people claim to have been banished to when someone doesn’t want to go out with them – boohoo. That said, it’s very easy to tell when a guy just wants to be mates. If he treats you like one of the lads, if you hang out together and he doesn’t make any kind of move on you… he probably just wants to be friends. Girls can have their rules about how soon you should kiss a guy and playing hard to get and making them wait and blah blah blah. Men don’t play by these silly rules. He’s not playing hard to get, he just doesn’t want to be got.
The pretty guy
Some say that growing up overweight or “ugly” is a good thing, because it forces you to rely on your personality, making you a better person. Ugly Duckling Syndrome doesn’t mean that all “unattractive” people have amazing personalities, and not all “body beautiful” people are going to be horrible and stupid… but it can happen. Sometimes you can meet the most attractive guy in the world, but the attraction starts and stops with the way he looks. Yes, he has perfect teeth, nice hair, arms like the Hulk and a chest so big you can (and would) live on it, but does he make you laugh? Does he chat to you about anything and everything? Sure, your bedroom antics are amateur porn worthy, if not pro, but what happens when you’re alone in a restaurant together? You want to be the couple that looks like they’re having so much fun that spectators want to slap you both repeatedly, not the two politely smiling at each other because, other then the physical attraction, there’s nothing going on.
Sure, dating multiple people at once is a great way to save time. Plough your way through a bunch of people and then start eliminating them, Big Brother style, until you’re left with a winner. Except that’s kind of gross and has the potential to hurt a lot of people along the way. If you’re competing for his attention with a bunch of other chicks, bow out gracefully. You are awesome and you deserve someone who is going to give you their full attention. If he cares, he’ll do something about it, if he doesn’t then I just saved you loads of time competing in a strange, sexual Royal Rumble where the only winner is the guy (and possibly anyone who makes it out of the ring without an STD).
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