March 30, 2016
Going on first dates, wondering how long before you should sleep with a guy, googling for new moves so that when you do sleep with him, you dazzle him (because business has been slow this fiscal quarter and you’re not sure if the rules are the same or if people are into weird new things now) because the last thing you want is to go on another first date…
March 14, 2016
I spent hours on Tinder and I’ll I got was this lousy obsessive fixation on what the fuck was wrong with me coupled with an impending sense of eternal spinsterhood. Just pass me some cats, please.
June 20, 2015
When you come out of a longterm relationship, everyone and their patronising older relative will be telling you about all dem other fish in the sea. But when you do dive back in you start drowning immediately because, holy shit, you’ve forgotten how to swim, and you’re so caught up in trying to remember how to swim that you don’t even realise you’re in the kids’ pool. Like, bro, just stand up.
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