March 30, 2016
Going on first dates, wondering how long before you should sleep with a guy, googling for new moves so that when you do sleep with him, you dazzle him (because business has been slow this fiscal quarter and you’re not sure if the rules are the same or if people are into weird new things now) because the last thing you want is to go on another first date…
March 14, 2016
I spent hours on Tinder and I’ll I got was this lousy obsessive fixation on what the fuck was wrong with me coupled with an impending sense of eternal spinsterhood. Just pass me some cats, please.
January 26, 2016
Yep, me again. Look, I know some of you didn’t take too kindly to my list of things you were doing wrong (creatively titled: Dear men, here’s what you’re doing wrong…), but some of you are making massive mistakes and it needed pointing out – I was only thinking of you.
January 14, 2016
You’ve heard of the January Blues, right? Well for some of us, that refers to our skin. Our cold, pale, transparent, corpse-like skin.
December 21, 2015
I’m going to cut to the chase: you are doing so much shit wrong. And, it’s not even complicated shit you’re messing up, it’s the simplest shit there is, so I can only imagine you’re not aware that you’re doing it.
November 30, 2015
At the end of 2014 I wrote an article titled ‘21 things I learned in 2014‘ that I received a lot of positive feedback for. Well, that was that, I felt like the smartest person alive and I kicked off 2015 safe in the knowledge I finally had everything figured out…
June 27, 2015
For the most part, my inner monologue is an unreliable narrator. What I mean is that the voice in my head is very kind to me. It talks me into doing stupid things, into thinking that very bad ideas are in fact very good ideas, and it lets me get away with murder.
June 25, 2015
So there’s a sort of running joke in my family that I dress like a hooker. You get that in families, don’t you? Everyone ganging up on one person to tease them relentlessly about one thing. It’s all in the name of love though, it’s never anything actually hurtful…
June 20, 2015
When you come out of a longterm relationship, everyone and their patronising older relative will be telling you about all dem other fish in the sea. But when you do dive back in you start drowning immediately because, holy shit, you’ve forgotten how to swim, and you’re so caught up in trying to remember how to swim that you don’t even realise you’re in the kids’ pool. Like, bro, just stand up.
© 2016 Girlpanion ❤️